i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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