you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
