I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
