So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
