as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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