No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
