don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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