OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
