I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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