apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
