If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
is wine microwaveable?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So many bounce houses so little time
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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