her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
