So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
