In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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