Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I could fuck to npr.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
