It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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