So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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