wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
