thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
