Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
