I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
ttyl tear gas
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
