she was so not down for the gang bang
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
