It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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