Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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