I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
