party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dignity is for republicans.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
