ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
