You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
