you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
