And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
