you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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