I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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