We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
