Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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