2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
