Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
