...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
