You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
