is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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