Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
