I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
