i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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