The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
