its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
