We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
that's an acceptable place to lick
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
