I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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