12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
