You just made me feel so damn special
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
