Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
