im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
