I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
