Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
