They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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