Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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